Re: [Noel] tales from the middle of nowhere
10/12/08
So..Minneapolis? An arctic wasteland more like. Fuck living here!!
Have these people not heard of California? You think it's cold in
England?! It's colder than Thatcher's soul (if that's at all possible).
Stayed in last night. Endlessly flickin' round on the telly. I found
THE most ludicrous programme I think I've ever seen. It was on a channel
called Spike TV. And the programme was called "Manswers". Which - if I'm
not very much mistaken - is a show that answers the questions American
men are asking. "Manswers". Get it? Ok.
What follows is TRUE. It's what I saw and I hadn't been drinking.
1. What's the most powerful handgun available on the market? (There
was a few to choose from and their power was demonstrated by birds with
big tits in bikinis firing them in slow motion!! It looked and sounded
like a spoof trailer for a Quentin Tarantino movie. Fuckin' mental yet,
strangely compelling!)
2. How can you survive being hit by a car? (Apparently there IS a
technique which was demonstrated by a trained stuntman (not in a
bikini) and I was told NOT to try it at home!! What? Not even a little
practice?)
3. How would big boobs bounce on the moon?!!! (An "expert" actually
explained that they (the boobs) would react in the same way as they
would if they were underwater! FUCKIN' LUDICROUS!!)
4. What's faster - a man or his sperm? (To demonstrate this they had
a midget in a white all-in-one Lycra body suit on a running machine.
He signified the sperm, I think?)
5. What's the horniest animal in the jungle? (You simply HAVE to
know, don't you? Thinking on...maybe I'd been spiked with acid).
Fuckin' ludicrous the lot of it. Gimme Seinfeld any day.
In a bit.
GD.
PS. The Bonobo Chimpanzee is the horniest animal in the jungle
(just in case you were wondering).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo
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