Kurt的遺書 (英文版)
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would
rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty
easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the
years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with
independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true
.I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along
with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words
about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go
out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in
which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and
adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The
fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me.
The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and
pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a
punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within
my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough).
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of
people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when
they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain
the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much
better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of
our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy
I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people
too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little
sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I
don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a
daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy ,
kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm.
And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand
the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker
that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the
age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because
it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then
to fade away
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney,
I'll be at your altar.
Pleas keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.csie.ntu.edu.tw)
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